I am afraid

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“Hello Arvind, do you have some time?” Aasha asked from another end.

“Hi Asha, how are you? Yes, I’m free. what is it?” Arvind Sensed something.

“Can you please come down to our home right now? Need to talk something urgent. Asha’s voice was choked up.

At this hour? Arvind looked at the clock. It was 11.00 pm and he was about to wind up his day. “Okay.. coming in 5 min,” he replied. He had sensed fear in Asha’s voice. He put up slipers and rushed to downstairs.

Asha and Ajay was living in the neighbouring apartment. “What’s wrong with them? Any kid is unwell? Ajay didn’t inform me so.” Arvind was trying to anticipate when he opened the door and entered into house.

To his surprise, Ajay was sitting on the couch and Asha next to him but both were silent.

“Hey, what’s the matter? Is everything alright?” Arvind sat on the coach near Ajay.

Arvind looked at Asha. She was nervous and looking at Ajay expecting him to speak.

“Come on. I am fainting now. What’s the matter? Are you kidding with me?” Arvind was unable to guess.

Asha broke the silence. “Arvind, Ajay is not feeling good. Its been a month now.” Asha was rubbing her hands while talking and looking at Ajay.

“Not feeling good? What happened? Visited any doctor? But he is looking normal.” Arvind kept his hand on Ajay’s forehead. “It’s cold. No temperature.” He again looked at Asha.

“Hello.. will you tell me anything, Ajay?” Arvind became restless now.

“Arvind, I am a bit tensed, nothing else.” Ajay was trying to say something but suddenly Asha started, “a bit tense? Ajay, you are not able to sleep nowadays. You wake up suddenly sometimes at mid-night and keep staring out from the window.” She turned to Arvind, “Its a month now Arvind, he is restless and not able to sleep. He just sits on the sofa the whole night. I don’t know what has happened. He is not talking to kids. He is not playing with them. He has even started shouting at them occasionally.  I understand that he has work pressure and It irritates sometimes. But, its a month now and his health is depleting because of that. I asked him many times but he did not utter even a word even after begging many times.” Asha was in tears.

“Ajay, what am I hearing? What’s wrong dear?” Arvind patted Ajay.

Ajay looked at Arvind and again towards the wall repeatedly for 2-3 times. But he could not speak for himself.

“Ajay, you need to speak dear? Tell me what has happened. Can I help you anyway?” Arvind turned towards Ajay.

“I am afraid, Arvind.” Ajay tried to speak but again went into silence.

“Afraid of what Ajay? What is troubling you? Tell me.” Arvind.

“I am afraid that I may lose my job.” Tears started running down from Ajay’s cheek.

“Oh, Ok. What Happened?” Arvind took a sigh. Things were not as problematic as he expected when entered here.

“I am worried what will happen if I lose a Job? Ajay stood up. Picked up a glass of water kept for Arvind and sipped it.

“Why do you worry Ajay? I told you many times. We will manage it. You can search another job. Everything gonna fine.” Asha tried to convince him. Ajay as usual ignored her.

“You know Arvind? I have delivered excellent results since I joined this company. My products are doing so well that sales volumes have increased 10 times. Last year’s sales volume is even more than the total of 20 years sales. Still… still, they are doing this to me.” Ajay looked nervous.

After taking pause for a while, he again started talking, “I do not waste even a minute when in office. If by chance I spent 5-10 minutes chatting with someone, I get a feeling that I am wasting company time and I try not to do it again. Still, …..still.” Ajay started shivering. He felt uneasy so he threw himself in the sofa. He started staring at blades of fan revolving above head lying on sofa. Asha ran towards him, held his both hands and kept weeping.

“Easy, easy Ajay. I am sorry to hear this. But, what made you to think that way? They gave you ultimatum?” Arvind.

“Not actually. But their treatment is changed. They are asking me explanation for my every decision. Moreover, they started me keeping out from important meetings. What does that mean afterall?” Ajay looked in pain.

“I can understand. But they have every right to ask you explanation and even to decide who has to keep in loop to and who has not. It doesn’t mean they want to lay you off.” Arvind.

“Shall I ask you one question, Ajay? Don’t take it otherwise please.” Asha cut the link in between. “I respect you commitment to work Ajay. With due respect to all your commitments for work but don’t you owe sometime to us at least when you are at home?” Asha looking straight into eyes of the Ajay.

“What do you mean? Why are you asking that?” Ajay puzzled.

“What she is asking is very correct Ajay. I too was about to ask you the same. When you feel so obelized that you can’t think spending 5-10 minutes chatting with your colleagues then how can you tolerate wasting so much of your personal time when you are at home. How is this possible? Don’t you think that you are taking them for granted and not even bothering that you are not spending quality time with your family?” Arvind.

“I don’t think I am doing that.” Ajay murmured.

“Ajay, i don’t believe you talking this? Please don’t. You remember how many times I asked you about your tensions and how many times you turned down my request to discuss it further. Please recall Ajay.” Asha

“Ok but..” Ajay was searching words to defend himself.

“Ajay, I got it now. If you ask me, you overrated the fear of loss of job and underrated the existence of your own people. I am surprised that you are doing this.” Arvind

“I am afraid, Arvind. How to run the family if i lose my job? Who will pay the bills?” Ajay.

“You are bigger than your job my dear friend. You worth lot more than that. Take some time to reflect if what you are thinking is even a reality or not. Don’t analyse their moves. Just face what comes in the way and always remember you own a job, it doesn’t own you. Do one thing. Keep writing what troubles you on daily basis. Be thankful for every challenge that life is throwing at you. Let’s see whether your fear comes true.

And more thing, “stop saying I am afraid. Instead, start saying, I am excited. And see the magic.” Arvind.

Suggested reading : how to separate yourself from your negative emotions

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